I am no. #1 faffer when it comes to revising and I’m starting to get very very worried and panicky because I don’t really know ANYTHING
I have a lot to say and I need to write it down
I was having one of those nights where I was really REALLY mad at my dumb dwarfism and it leads me to think that other people with EDs are ungrateful for having bodies that function normally and don’t provoke interest
But now I’ve realised that I don’t hate the other people with EDs, I hate my own ED for even making me think that. Like that is MEAN. Of course people are “allowed” to dislike their bodies and just because people have called mine ugly it doesn’t mean other people can’t have insecurities
Even still sometimes I question whether I’d even ended up triggering this if it wasn’t for having dwarfism (in fact I’m like 80-90% sure I wouldn’t have). It’s the one thing about myself I just hit a brick wall trying to accept and I hate it so much and it makes me feel so ugly and different
People have it way worse than me and I know I’m being selfish but I’m just so mad at all the strangers who ever stared and all the chavvy shits in the street who shouted spacker at me in front of my family and all the times people have whispered and pointed to their friends like I’m a zoo animal
It hurts so much and I would literally trade in ANYTHING to have a body that looked normal and didn’t have weird lumpy ugly bones and I want it so much my heart hurts and it’s the one thing I’ll never get no matter how hard I wish it??
Ugh. But still. Somehow I’m gonna find a way to accept it before I die and if that’s not a real life goal then idk what is